if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
