The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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