Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
