You're completely useless in the revolution.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
