Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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