WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
