Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
