jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
