She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize