your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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