She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
