someone get that fucking seahorse.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
