just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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