can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
