You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
