yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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