okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
