My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
