i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
