Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
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i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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