If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
