I will die if light touches me.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
