She's JV to your varsity
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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