My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
