I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
