White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
