It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
