the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
