Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Randomize
