Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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