So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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