9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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