Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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