We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
PANTIES FOUND
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