Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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