I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
