Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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