We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
