Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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