i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
