Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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