He is an equal opportunity slut.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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