Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
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