People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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