Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
