If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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