Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
