did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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