he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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