who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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