I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
