I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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