I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
