I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you didnt know i had herpes?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
