walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
