if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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