Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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