I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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