Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
