it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
