hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
