I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
