Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
