I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the day after is always just damage control
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
