PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
