Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
