i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
