He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize