I murdered the dance floor call the cops
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
