is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm too high and old for this...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
