You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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