Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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