break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
