I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
