Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
