She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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