so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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